Up until I was 9 years old, I would intermittently hear a voice in my head that was not my own. The voice was distinctly different to mine, and always negative. It would self criticise or urge me to do things I knew to be morally wrong. The most peculiar thing about the voice was that it took no effort on my behalf to produce. My own thoughts always felt like there was a process that required effort to bring them to the forefront of my mind, this voice appeared as though it was spoken by another. The sentences felt predetermined like they had already been constructed.


I remember very vividly at 9 years old, becoming very frustrated with the voice. I stood in my back yard, internally screaming at the voice to be silent again and again, and it did. In a flash there was silence, to the point where my head felt like an empty room. I wasn't used to the quiet and that voice never returned. It almost felt lonely in my head.


When I got older I had intermittent bouts with auditory hallucinations where I would hear perfect symphonies, usually at night when drifting off to sleep. They were so clear that they sounded like they were emanating from a radio in the corner of my room. I knew they weren't there, but for some reason they never came with the feeling of fear. I also recall sitting on a bus at the age of 15, and hearing the sound of a crowded room, with about 100 voices chattering away, I was the only person apart from the driver on the bus.


These experiences were always very brief, and few and far between.

My last hallucination was during an intense bout of psychosis in 2015, and was my first visual hallucination. I was walking down a pavement after jumping out my mums car in a crossroads in a moment of frustration and distress with my condition. I was trying to run from myself. What appeared to be a homeless man with a dark complexion approached me, and asked me what was wrong. I explained that I had been sick most my life, and I wasn't sure I had the strength to continue. He looked at me, and smiled and told me 'everything is going to be okay in the end Ren.' I had not told him my name. There was something so overpoweringly sincere about this simple message, which brought with it an overwhelming feeling of inner peace, and in a flash, he vanished.


My rational brain always linked these experiences to what the doctors have told me, that there are parts of my brain compromised by the autoimmunity in my body. That the myelin sheaths surrounding the complex electrical system that conduct my thoughts were damaged and compromised, causing these lucid experiences that I knew did not exist inside the physical world.

The part of me that edges away from logical and rational thought always attributed these thoughts to some kind of otherworldly intervention, that made my thoughts the battleground of some spiritual tug of war.
For a long time I never really acknowledged this part of myself, for with it brought the danger and stigma of sounding like a crazy person.

I decided with my latest release, to the best of my ability, to capture and express this chess match of thought.
Hi Ren comes out in just over 24 hours.


I can't wait for you all to hear it.

"Hi Ren" keeps growing, reaching #18 in trending music videos in the UK, with over 5M listens in the first week alone.

Check it out below and follow Ren on social media for his latest releases.

 

Connect:

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCqq3VcwPGseErHUa0-xLInQ
https://www.instagram.com/renmakesmusic/
https://www.tiktok.com/@renmakesmusic
https://www.facebook.com/renmakesmusic
https://music.apple.com/us/artist/ren/1410768470
https://twitter.com/renmakesmusic
https://open.spotify.com/artist/0Repe2EiNjaFAFIukrroUM
https://www.renmakesmusic.com/

Views: 17

Comment

You need to be a member of BEATS CONNECT to add comments!

Join BEATS CONNECT

Music

Paused...
  • 1.
    Air It Out
  • 2.
    Rocking Chair

Members

FREE MIXTAPES

Black TikToker Shames Plane Passenger Over Racist Texts

A Black woman travel influencer confronted a fellow plane passenger over racist text messages he sent to his family, capturing the encounter on TikTok. Talia Rouse showed how the man, who is unidentified, complained about having to sit next to Black and gay people on the flight from Puerto Rico to Atlanta.

The post Black TikToker Shames Plane Passenger Over Racist Texts appeared first on The Latest Hip-Hop News, Music and Media | Hip-Hop Wired.

Diddy ft. City Girls & Fabolous “Act Bad,” Blueface “Been Have’n” & More | Daily Visuals 5.30.23

Check out the rest of today’s drops and some joints you might’ve missed over the weekend including work from Machine Gun Kelly, That Mexican OT featuring Paul Wall and Drodi, and more.

The post Diddy ft. City Girls & Fabolous “Act Bad,” Blueface “Been Have’n” & More | Daily Visuals 5.30.23 appeared first on The Latest Hip-Hop News, Music and Media | Hip-Hop Wired.

Several Drake Demo & Reference Tracks Leaked Online

A number of Drake demo and reference tracks from over the years were leaked online over Memorial Day Weekend

The post Several Drake Demo & Reference Tracks Leaked Online appeared first on The Latest Hip-Hop News, Music and Media | Hip-Hop Wired.

Gunplay Threatened To Slap Fire Out Of DJ Envy In Intense Phone Convo

Gunplay had some choice words for DJ Envy after sharing a private phone conversation between the pair regarding the rapper's child.

The post Gunplay Threatened To Slap Fire Out Of DJ Envy In Intense Phone Convo appeared first on The Latest Hip-Hop News, Music and Media | Hip-Hop Wired.

more mixtapes

Obliteration Announces Debut Album “3-Headed Monster” Dropping Friday, Premiere Lead Single “Fire Breathin’” Prod. by Dead Heat

Esham, Violent J of the Insane Clown Posse & Ouija Macc coincide the beginning of their 3-Headed Monster Tour by announcing out of nowhere that the trio have formed a new supergroup called Obliteration & will be dropping their full-length debut album 3-Headed Monster this Friday preluding the underground of what’s to come in the …

Chicano Rap Legends Mr. Lil One & Mr. Shadow Perform Live In Los Angeles Friday June 2nd 2023 @ Catch One

Mr. Lil One and Mr. Shadow are both well-renowned SoCal based Chicano Rap legends, they will be performing live in Los Angeles Friday June 2nd, 2023 at Catch One. Fans of Chicano Rap can look forward to an incredible night filled with energetic performances and memorable music. Enjoy the show! TICKETS: bit.ly/3KQwmtp

Razor – “Born To Shine” | MIC SESSION

Razor stops by our HQ and drops his exclusive Mic Session performing “Born To Shine”.

King Iso Debuts “Step Daddy” Video

King Iso is continuing to apply pressure ahead of his upcoming 6th album albeit his 3rd with Strange Music by attaching some visuals onto the lead single “Step Daddy” a day after putting it out.

UK’s Rhyme Assassin Brings Hip Hop Legends Together In New Single “Rhyme Apostles

“Initially the idea was to have four emcees on the track.  However, this concept came to me inspired by the story of Jesus from the Bible, how he surrounded himself with twelve apostles.  I was on a mission to recruit some of the most legendary lyricists in the game as apostles of rhyme.” UK Based, Zimbabwe born and raised …

HIPHOP MP3 RSS

URBAN CULTURE

Troy Ave – Dear Hater I Won [Album Stream]

Troy Ave ‘Dear Hater I Won’ album is the much-anticipated project from the BSB rep of Crown Heights to serve as motivational music.

Troy Ave Responds to Maino over Fake Chain Allegations

Troy Ave responds Maino fake chain video, as the two Brooklyn rappers have thankfully not been disrespectful beyond the disagreement.

Drake’s “Rescue Me” Full Song Leaks Dissing Kanye West

Drake “Rescue Me” full song leaks dissing Kanye West, which shockingly is the first song to surface before the upcoming album out soon.

Maino Airs Out Issues with Troy Ave in 20-Minute Rant

Maino Airs out Troy Ave issues, 20-minute rant video following the Bed-Stuy rapper explaining his problems with the BSB rep.

6ix9ine Breaks Silence After Gym Attack, Releases New Music

6ix9ine talks getting jumped, release Bori music video, as the Brooklyn rapper is in Cuba this month to get better from the attack last month.

Tbohiphop RSS

Megan Thee Stallion says new music will come when she’s in a “better place” and is now focused on healing

Megan Thee Stallion says new music will come after healing " data-medium-file="https://i0.wp.com/hip-hopvibe.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/05/IMG_9550_1_800x440-e1685509993641.jpeg?fit=300%2C143&ssl=1" data-large-file="https://i0.wp.com/hip-hopvibe.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/05/IMG_9550_1_800x440-e1685509993641.jpeg?fit=800%2C382&ssl=1"">

Megan Thee Stallion says new music will come after healing On Tuesday, Megan Thee Stallion trended for a variety of reasons. One was that it appears that she is no longer dating Pardison Fontaine. Furthermore, she was spotted holding hands with Inter Milan star Romelu Lukaku. The two were together at Lautaro Martinez’s wedding. As […]

The post Megan Thee Stallion says new music will come when she’s in a “better place” and is now focused on healing appeared first on Hip Hop Vibe.

Metro Boomin confirms that A$AP Rocky, Wizkid, Coi Leray, Lil Wayne, Nas, and more will appear on “Spider-Man: Across The Spider-Verse” soundtrack

Metro Boomin confirms more features for "Spider-Man" soundtrack

Metro Boomin confirms more features for “Spider-Man” soundtrack Metro Boomin recently revealed that he is producing the soundtrack for the upcoming “Spider-Man: Across The Spider-Verse” soundtrack. Both this project as well as the film will be released on June 2. Hailee Steinfield, Shemeik Moore, Daniel Kaluuya and Brian Tyree Henry are some of the cast […]

The post Metro Boomin confirms that A$AP Rocky, Wizkid, Coi Leray, Lil Wayne, Nas, and more will appear on “Spider-Man: Across The Spider-Verse” soundtrack appeared first on Hip Hop Vibe.

Man taunts his high school bully, who is now homeless

Man taunts his high school bully who is now homeless " data-medium-file="https://i0.wp.com/hip-hopvibe.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/05/Man-taunts-his-high-school-bully-who-is-now-homeless.jpg?fit=300%2C165&ssl=1" data-large-file="https://i0.wp.com/hip-hopvibe.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/05/Man-taunts-his-high-school-bully-who-is-now-homeless.jpg?fit=800%2C440&ssl=1"">

Man taunts his high school bully who is now homeless A few weeks ago, a skit showed a man confronting his childhood bully, and things went left. Sadly, it doesn’t look like this video is a skit. Instead, it plays out like someone holding onto bitter feelings and unable to extend compassion and empathy. The […]

The post Man taunts his high school bully, who is now homeless appeared first on Hip Hop Vibe.

Saweetie and YG confirm dating rumors during Mexico vacation [PHOTOS]

Saweetie and YG confirm dating rumors while in Mexico " data-medium-file="https://i0.wp.com/hip-hopvibe.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/05/8dcdfdc306ec43aba38b34651ca51b94_md_800x440-e1685493635634.webp?fit=300%2C143&ssl=1" data-large-file="https://i0.wp.com/hip-hopvibe.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/05/8dcdfdc306ec43aba38b34651ca51b94_md_800x440-e1685493635634.webp?fit=800%2C382&ssl=1"">

Saweetie and YG confirm dating rumors while in Mexico Saweetie and YG have been rumored to be dating for over a month now, after the two hung out at Coachella, in April. Meanwhile, the two are definitely showing that they’ve been seeing each other. According to TMZ, Saweetie and YG have been spotted in Cabo […]

The post Saweetie and YG confirm dating rumors during Mexico vacation [PHOTOS] appeared first on Hip Hop Vibe.

Moneybagg Yo reveals tracklist for “Hard To Love” mixtape; Features include Future, GloRilla, Lil Durk, and more

Moneybagg Yo reveals “Hard To Love” mixtape tracklist  Last week, Moneybagg Yo announced that he pushed his new “Hard To Love” mixtape, by a week. He jokingly said on social media, that he’ll let Taylor Swift have the shine with bee new “Midnights (Til Dawn) Edition” album. As a result, Moneybagg confirmed that Hard To […]

The post Moneybagg Yo reveals tracklist for “Hard To Love” mixtape; Features include Future, GloRilla, Lil Durk, and more appeared first on Hip Hop Vibe.

© 2023   Created by THABEATHUSTLECARTEL.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service